My Apple is Anxious

April 3, 2016

AppleMy Apple iPhone and MacBook Air inspire a sense of consistent anxiety at being ignored. For the past 7 months I have continually asked my Apple to “Remind me Tomorrow” about the impending doom of yet another software update.

Installing the latest software is a constant worry for the Apple device. It’s all consuming. As if the Artificially Intelligent being is incapable of putting it’s feet up and just chilling out.

Relax. No I don’t need to update you today. Please!

But why are Apples so persistently nervous? What happened to the cool, calm, composed and confident Justin Long type personality. “I’m a mac and I’m so much more suave than PC” – but underneath I epitomise the inherent frailty of all human beings: Anxiety. Isolation. The fear of being alone and ignored.

And so they won’t give up – as I write this article, it’s reminding me again to install the next software update. Later! Not now. Please, please, please, just give me 5 minutes to work.

Just turn of the daily reminders, I hear you ask.

You can’t. I’ve asked.

When the request appears in the top right hand corner of my screen it only gives me two options – “now” or “tomorrow” – what happened to “never”. Or “please stop badgering”. Was that ever an option?

And so what if I don’t want to install new software, what are they going to do, sue me? Is my Mac going to disintegrate? Is the sky going to fall down?

Probably none of these, but why are they so persistent?

It’s my Mac after all. It’s my property, I paid a lot of money for it. I should be able to use it as I wish. It’s the same as buying a car. I can drive it however I want. Sure there are rules about speeding, drinking alcohol, text while driving etc., but at the end of the day I am the one in the driver’s seat. I am in control. Not so for Apple though.

My Apple behaves in the same manner as on overly insecure OCD prone teenager. A day doesn’t go by without an icon frantically jump up from the bottom of my screen demanding attention. Like a child bouncing on a jumping castle screaming for love, iTunes screams to be updated.

I’ve had enough. I love Apple products, but not when they’re so….needy.

Speaking of the devil, I’ve literally just been notified that iCloud preferences have changed. A big box appeared in the centre of my screen (without my permission, mind you). So what, honestly, so what. I’m working. I’m sitting in this café, trying to get this article written and I don’t care that the iCloud preferences have changed. On the surface I’m typing away, but internally I’m screaming at Apple.

And no, I don’t want to back-up using iCloud and no, I’m not anxious that my storage is almost running out, and no I don’t want to pay for something I don’t need, no I don’t want to pay more money on a monthly basis for iCloud storage. Apple already have enough of my money.

Why do some people fret over all their digital data – it’s not real, it’s not tangible, it’s not important in the grand scheme of things.

People are important. Not binary code.

Years ago, Apple started to outsell the technological pioneer – Microsoft – because they understood the consumer. And they also gave their brand a personality. They made it human. Maybe too human because they included the anxiety in the design.

At the start they built computers that worked, straight out of the box. It was beautiful. Now they’re infecting us all with their anxiety at not being updated. Apple’s anxiety is infectious. I’m sorry to say but my iPhone, iPad and Macbook Air are more high maintenance than a BMW.

Why Apple, why are you so anxious? Just relax, don’t stress about always being updated and just start to enjoy doing your job. You’re great at what you do. Keep doing it. And remember, your job is to help, not hinder.

P.S. A big thank you to the founders of Apple and the internet for allowing my to type me thoughts and share it with the world! I don’t want to seem ungrateful or anything…

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